I personally don't know what I'd do without routines. I like to know what to expect. There have been periods of my life where I didn't have routines - mostly during what I consider some of the hardest periods of my life. That lack of routine made those hard times feel exponentially more difficult.
Below you'll find my top ten reasons routines are helpful to me and my family.
1. Sets expectations
I wrote about expectations
last week when it comes to meal planning. The routine of meal planning for the whole month has made dinner something I can expect to do every night. I can expect there to be leftovers a couple times a week. Having the meal plan helps me ensure that I keep with it and provide balanced meals for my family, and keeps the motivation active. The routine of doing the dishes and running the dishwasher e-v-e-r-y single night sets the expectation that it's a non-negotiable task that just has to be done before I can kick my feet up. And having that notion in my head, causes my week to be easier. I used to have the thought:
OMG I have to the the dishes AGAIN! Does it ever end? every night and it got demoralizing. The short answer is no, it never ends. Having the expectation takes that notion out of my head - it's something that has to be done. By making it a routine and shifting the way I think about it, life is just simplified.
2. Regulates my schedule
Routines create consistency. I think this is even more important for children. I'll use Sami's nighttime routine as an example. While lately she's never happy to hear that it's time to go take a bath, which is the start of the routine, once she hits the bath, it's smooth sailing. It's scheduled. She knows what to expect - ha see what I did there? I usually tell her it's 15 minutes until bathtime, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes. I think it helps her prepare and it's less surprising for her than being told out of the blue that it's time to go take a bath. She'll often reply to my
15 minutes to bathtime with
and then milk and books and bedtime.
From my experience, if kids go off schedule, they get cranky and difficult. This happens if Sami skips a nap, or has a super late nap, or wakes up in the middle of the night several nights in a row. Routines such as her nighttime one, makes everything simpler. She doesn't mind putting on her pajamas and is actually excited about going to get her milk. She knows that after the stories, she brushes her teeth and then it's time to fall asleep. There's usually a little bit of whining when the last book has been read, but I know that it would be 20 times worse if it wasn't for the routine. I'll take 20 seconds of whines over 20 minutes of it. Any day.
As for me, the routine of waking up at a certain time every morning helps regulate my internal time clock. I'm often able to wake up a little before the alarm. Not that I actually get up though. I will take those 5 extra minutes sir!! The routines I have at work every morning help me have a calm quiet morning before everyone else gets in and things start getting hectic.
3. Things take less willpower
I mentioned earlier that doing the dishes seems to be less of a chore for me, and it's true. I used to dread having to go clean the kitchen. It's still not my favorite thing in the world, but I don't mind it as much. And doing it every day, means I don't have to put as much thought and effort into it. It's not even a thought anymore. I don't walk into the kitchen after putting down Sami for the night and wonder -
what to do, what to do? I empty the dishwasher, fill the dishwasher, run the dishwasher, hand wash Sami's dishes and a handful of other items, wipe the counters down and done. Every night. I used to think it was such a chore. It rarely takes me more than 20 minutes.
4. Creates efficiency
Speaking of which... cleaning the kitchen used to sometimes take me over an hour. I had no rhythms. I didn't do one task at a time. I'd put something in the dishwasher, and clean a messy spot on the counter and then put something else in the dishwasher and then I'd go throw a dishtowel in the laundry room. It was sooo inefficient and if there's one thing I can't stand - it's being inefficient. Which is probably why I dreaded cleaning the kitchen.
With a routine, I feel efficient, and therefore I am efficient. I gain confidence and become more proficient and even find ways to improve processes I've previously ameliorated. I save loads of time which is always something I'm looking for. It's the same thing at work. Whenever I can find a routine for a task, efficiency is gained and allows me to tackle on more. Win-win!
5. There's a process in place for someone else if they need to step in
Since routines are so constant, it's easy for people around you to get accustomed to them too, even if they don't do it themselves. For example, if someone else needs to put Sami down for the night, say a sitter or a grandparent, the routine is already there which simplifies the whole process. Less complicated for Sami who might be uncomfortable since I'm not there. Less complicated for the sitter because there's a list of what needs to be done: bath, then lotion, then pjs, then milk, etc.
Another great example is the other week when I had to work late. My meal plan and meal prep, which is now a routine, made it easy for my husband to step in and get dinner ready. He said that having everything all ready to go made it seamless and hardly took any effort.
6. Reduces stress
When I know what to expect, when it's something I do all the time and it's regimented, it's a lot less stressful for me. I keep coming back to meal planning because it's been such a life changer for me - making dinner is usually not something that is a cause of stress anymore. It's not that I would make myself sick over it, but it was something that occupied a lot of my thoughts. It was constant, and it didn't often yield good results.
Having a plan and sticking to it to a certain extent - I don't have to think about it for more than 5 minutes: Which meal am I making today based on when I got home. Or which meal are we going to have tomorrow so that I can plan to get the slow cooker ingredients out for my husband the next morning with a small list of instructions.
7. Stability
It's not that I'm not flexible, or don't like or can't handle change. Routines are a nice constant that I can rely on and creates the feeling that life in general is stable. I deal with deadlines at work every day and the routines built around them helps things run smoothly. I'm not pulling my hair out every 5 minutes and the unplanned tasks are manageable. On the home front, my evenings seem less chaotic with set routines and knowing what to expect of it. It's still non-stop most of the evening, but it's organized chaos ;)
I think stability for children is exponentially important. That feeling of security helps them thrive in their environment. There is so much out of their control which can lead to a lot of frustration - hello tantrums! Stability should, in theory, minimize the feelings of frustration which can get overwhelming when you are learning how to do things for yourself - and want to do them for yourself. For babies, that stability
should also help with things like sleeping through the night. I say
should because there's always exceptions to the rule. I listened to a podcast the other day and the guest was commenting on how his daughter did not sleep through the night until she was 5. My goodness, that made me feel for them!!
In my mind, more stability for children equates to less power struggles. But then again, I only have a 2 year old so my perspective is probably different than that of parents who have older kids and/or have more than 1 living child.
8. Form habits
While routines and habits are similar and go hand in hand, there is a difference between the two. If we want to get technical, routines encompass completing a series of tasks in a specific order on a regular basis. A habit is doing something regularly and in the same way.
My nighttime routine has helped me create the "doing the dishes" habit. It didn't used to be habit for me, and let's be honest, it should have been. When it wasn't a habit, it seemed like such a chore. Don't get me wrong, I didn't let the dishes pile up until kingdom come, but I didn't do them as regularly as I do today.
Now, it doesn't even feel like a chore. I come down stairs from putting Sami down and I do the dishes as part of my nighttime routine. It's something I do. I don't think twice about it and it gets done and it's over before I know it. I've mentioned it, but running the dishwasher every night is a game changer for me. It means I hardly have anything to hand wash. If I didn't do it every night, I'd be scrubbing a lot more, or would have to run the dishwasher several times in one day when I go to playing catch-up... which I can't really do when I'm not home during the day.
9. Solidifies relationships
Sami's bedtime routine is probably the best example of this. Her bedtime routine usually takes 1 hour between bath time and falling asleep. That is 1 hour of undivided attention that she's getting from her mother. Children crave attention and love. Routines such as this one help build strong bonds between parent and child. I feel closer to her in those moments, and I'm sure she does too.
Similarly, I'm sure a routine of making dinner together could bring a couple closer together, or a nighttime family walk could strengthen family ties. Proximity and completing tasks/activities together are always a plus for relationships of any kind.
10. Priorities are met
I used to feel like I made no progress with my to-do list. I'm certainly not saying that I constantly cross things off my list, but the essentials are always done. Keeping the house somewhat neat. Doing the groceries. Making dinner. Cleaning the kitchen.
Unexpected things happen all the time. We get sick. We have to work late. Unexpected guests, yet welcomed guests, come over. All these things tend to put a wrench in things. Having routines help prioritize what needs to be done. If you skip the dishes one day because you are sick in bed, the next day you know what was missed and you can get right to it and get back on track. Thanks to my meal plan, I can opt for leftovers one night, but I know that I'll have to make the meal I'd planned the following night.
These are my top ten reasons routines make a difference in my life and I'm looking forward to creating more routines as I begin to realize how valuable they really are. Are the reasons routines are helpful to you that I didn't mention? I'd love to hear them! :)
