Tuesday, March 20, 2018

My 5am-9pm: Play dates & a day with mama

Saturday

We went to the pool, as we usually do and had a nice time.  We did a few safety exercises which the instructor does about every 3 months.  One of them was to get in on the side of the pool instead of down the steps and showing parents how to get in without worrying that the little ones will fall in as we're getting in.  Later on, the kiddos practiced getting back into the pool from the side without jumping into their parents arms - on their bellies - which is the way they get out in a different exercise.  And then instead of monkey crawling a few arm lengths to one side and to the other and getting out, they practiced monkey crawling to the stairs and getting out of the pool that way.  Sami was a champ, she went about a half length of the pool without stopping.  Go Sami Go!

After naptime and doing the groceries, we went to the park because it was such a nice day.  Sami had fun on the playground, going up and down the slide who knows how many times.

Sunday

Daylight Savings Time...  It's like Sami slept in (until almost 8)! Does that count??? :)

On Sunday morning we had a play date with 2 other little girls at one of their houses.  Sami had an absolute blast going up and down the stairs which had beautiful railings (ours has a wall so it's harder for little hands).  The staircase also had the advantage of having a landing midway whereas the one at our house is straight the whole way.  I think it was great practice for her.  They also had a playroom separate from bedrooms and the living area which is great.  It was upstairs in a little loft that you can see from the living room and kitchen.  It was great to see the girls play independently and every now and then we would take turns going up to play with them.  I'm totally jealous of the playroom.

A weird thing for me - as the girls were playing, I was seeing that my girl was bigger than the others.  Sami's still rather small struggling to stay at 25 pounds, but she does keep getting taller and I know she's healthy.  Still very odd to see her as "big".  She's often surrounded by older boys at daycare and it makes her seem so small and petite.

Overall, I think the girls played well together.  They shared, and didn't want to share.  Sami loved playing in the little tent that was set up, and with every toy that she's never played with before.  Sami had a great time and continues telling me we're going back, or that her friends are coming over.  I also enjoyed it greatly.  It's nice to connect with other parents and to be able to relate to similar issues we are having such as eating (or lack there of), missed napped, sleep, etc.  When I imagined motherhood, I didn't think play dates would be something I'd find myself doing, aside from hanging out with friends we already have, who also have kids.  I didn't really know what play dates were since I don't remember doing them as a child, and I didn't know how to connect with other moms to set one up.  Daycare has made it easy to find moms who have children that are of a similar age.  It's great.

We went to the park again that afternoon. Surprised?

Monday-Friday

Tuesday... where do I begin?  March 13th is the date my son passed away in 2014.  I wrote an entry on my Spread Happiness For Preston blog which was much needed.  I took the day off to spend with Sami, keeping her home from daycare.  I was at work when everything happened 4 years ago, and I have a hard time picturing myself at work on that specific day.  To make it easier on myself, I've just resolved to always take it as a mental health day, and plan on keeping Sami home from daycare/school in the future as well.  We cuddled a lot, which means we watched a lot of TV.  I don't usually let her watch that much in one day, but I needed the cuddles and she wasn't complaining.  We went to the park for about an hour and a half.  As I pushed her in her stroller on the way home, the elementary school was letting out.  It was like organized chaos and made me ponder about the future, when it's her turn to go.

We went shopping for new clothes for Sami because she's getting too big for a lot of her clothes.  I made dinner, though for the life of me I can't remember what it was, even if I look at my meal plan...  After dinner, we went to the candy store with Sami, just to have a fun time, along with her dad too who had opted to work all day to keep his mind busy.  Everyone grieves differently and I totally appreciate and respect his grief.  For a long time, that's how I needed to grieve.  I needed to have something to do that was cerebral, at all times.

Nothing else stands out from last week aside from my eye incident.  I was washing dishes and put some soap on the straw brush and I must have missed the straw because the brush bent a little and the dish soap went flying right into my eye.  It stung so bad.  I flushed it with cold water for a couple minutes, went to take out my contact, put drops in it, did a water compress.  It probably took a good 15 minutes for it to stop stinging.  I went to bed shortly after so that I could rest that eye and woke up to a swollen and red eye.  Oh the fun.

Sadly this reminded me of one of my biggest #MomFail moments.  Sami was just a couple months old and it had been a couple bad nights in a row.  I thought I'd try  Johnson's Baby Bedtime Bubble Bath & Wash which is supposed to be soothing for babies and help them settle for the night.  It's the purple bottle.  We'd had a bottle from when Preston was a baby and had never opened it, a little fact I didn't remember.  I tried pouring it into the bath and nothing was coming out of the bottle, so I opened the cap, removed the seal and the soap just gushed out... and you guessed it... somehow right into Sami's eye.  She was inconsolable, and I felt so terrible.  I flushed her eye, and did compresses with a gentle washcloth, rinse repeat about 50 times.  Finally, I was able to get the soap completely out but I felt sooooo bad.  I felt like such a failure, and I'm sure hormones weren't helping at such an early stage.

And it's not that I'd forgotten about this incident, but when it happened to me last week... it brought it right back to the forefront.  And let me tell you, I'm not dealing with hormone issues now, and I feel just as terrible and again feel like a terrible mom because I know how painful it must have been, even if the bottle said "no more tears".  I know it was an accident, and I know that I do a lot of things that make me a great mom, and overall I feel like a good mom....  But those times when you feel like you screwed up... they feel worse than all the good makes you feel.  Is that just me?


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